Crushed

I was one who

Never thought the silence cold,

Unless my mind was wrought

With weighted troubles.

I was one who

Could take people

Or leave them.

I preferred to be on my own…

I was one who

Never wanted to ask

For another’s help if it

Would make me look weak.

I was one who

Could go days without

Needing to see the world,

Comfortable in my bubble.

But then we talked

And the silence seems

An agonizing eternity

Without you here.

I understand the want

To be around another,

And how it is to feel the weight

Of what loneliness brings.

Despite myself

I would ask for your help

In a heartbeat if it meant

That you would be near.

Never have I felt such

Pain and shame,

To want to depend on another,

To learn to trust another.

How is this something

To be giddy of

When you are far

Beyond my reach?

I can’t keep my thoughts

From going back to you

While I’m trying to work

Or while I’m wanting to write.

I feel calm when I’m around you

And chaos when I leave.

I long to hear you speak,

But I long to share the silence too.

Though by your side,

I fear I don’t belong.