Touchy Feely

I wish these arms

Didn’t feel empty,

Or that my nights, my days,

Didn’t feel lonely.

Each day that passes,

And I don’t see your face-

The seconds pass like minutes,

And the hours like decades.

I long to hear you speak again,

For no other sound

Makes me feel as happy,

Or makes my heart rush.

I can’t remember a time

When I consistently wanted

A hug from someone

As often as I do from you.

I can’t help that I’m already yours…

But I can only dream

That you would say,

That you’d be mine too.

The Fall

What can I do?

Where can I go?

I feel as though the floor

Has disappeared and there

Is nothing to catch me.

In an ever downward spiral,

I try to clutch at the shadows

That promise they can help,

But have no density to grasp,

Abandoning me in this fall.

The light above grows ever smaller

And I can’t help but feel like I

Won’t make it back up there again,

Because I can’t see this far down

And I don’t know how far I will be pulled.

Plans formulate for an escape but

I am too far from any walls

To stop the descent.

With little control left, I try to find

Another way but I can’t help but cry.

Every choice I make.

Every fuck I give.

I come to regret

As it brands me with a new criticism,

Another mark that I am falling behind.

I’m tired of fighting!

I’m tired of being the disappointment!

I’m tired of breaking commitments

And of hiding in my room so that I

Can’t hurt anyone with the spite I’ve built.

I’m tired but I can’t sleep when

My stomach is in my mouth

And the pain in my limbs

Courses through me like a poison.

I know this isn’t forever.

I know this will go away.

And I try to keep it in perspective,

But after four months

The mantras only echo.

A Year’s Progression

I’ve felt this way towards

You since we met,

Though I couldn’t recognize

What it was until months had passed.

When I see you,

My heart gasps and my

Nerves jump and I can

Never look you in the eye.

When you smile,

I can’t help but be happy

No matter what may be

Plaguing me that day.

The way you speak

Has me entranced,

And the way you think

Tempts me to push my

Anxiety aside and talk to you.

But something has changed

And I find myself drawn to you.

For when I see you,

I hate walking away.

I feel like holding you

In my arms and being

Close to you.

I doubt you’d feel the same.

But when you talk to me

Or say my name in passing,

I think it could be possible

That you feel how I feel.

And while I can’t

Get you off my mind,

I no longer want to

Push these feelings aside.

I no longer wish that it would end

And I no longer think of this as torture,

Because I want to always

See you when I close my eyes.

The only pain this causes me

Is the silence between us,

A wall that I don’t know can be broken

Or if you’d want it to fall.

But on the first day we met

you stole my heart,

And only now can I feel the weight

Of the emptiness inside.

This feeling gets stronger

Each day that goes by.

And when I would deny it,

It would seem to double in a blink.

So I hope if I speak,

I can tell if there is any hope.

Though the thought of rejection

No longer scares me like it did.