Update

Hello everyone!

I can officially say that I am a published poet. However, I have mixed feelings about this.

In my last post, I wrote that I submitted a poem to a literary journal that has a more varied readership. I ended up submitted two poems to this journal. The first one I submitted I spent a lot of time writing and perfecting while the second one I barely spent a minute on. Today I found out that one was rejected and another accepted.

When I looked to see which was which, I laughed. The one I spent more time on was rejected and the one I just wrote and submitted was accepted. I had more pride in the first one while the second was for fun.

On one hand, it kind of surprises me that the one I really loved wasn't picked and it kind of hurt. However, when I saw my name in the latest issue and saw my poem among many others, I felt so happy that I nearly cried. I can't believe it. I've never saw myself as much of a poet, always feeling that I lacked any talent in it and that I was more suited to novel writing (even though I've written poetry for nine years). I find it a bit ironic that I am recognized for something that I never thought I was good at.

But I'm officially published outside of my own means and outside of publications that accept just about all entries (a high school newspaper before it started getting a lot of poetry submissions and had to become pickier about what they chose).

Since my poem was rejected, I will be posting that on my poetry blog. Go check it out: https://dhfsmrm.blogspot.com.

Use this link if you want to see my published poem: https://haikujournal.org/e-issues/.
My poem is included in Issue 60 (my name is Briana Reh Daly).

I hope you are all well! I'll see you soon!

Hello

Hello all! It's been a while since my last update. I have been taking time to think about what has gone on this academic year and to think about how I want to go forward.

One thing I learned is that I don't have any passion for psychology and have no interest in the careers that psychology allows one to have. I'm still interested in the subject, but only for the purposes of learning more about people so that my characters are more realistic. As a result, I'll be changing my major to something else.

This year was also difficult due to numerous health issues that had occurred. There was a point in time when I wasn't sure if I could even finish the year without medical leave. It was even more shocking when I found out  ended the semester with As! I'm learning more about what I need to do to take care of myself and learning more about why my body does the things it does. Hopefully, it will make next year easier.

I'm also working on moving forward with my writing career. I launched five new blogs since the start of 2018 and I've entered two poems to two literary journals in the hope that I might get published. One is circulated at the college I go to and the other one is a journal that has a larger readership. Hopefully, one or both will feature my work. I'm also slowly working on a new novel, a movie script, and a TV script. I don't know how much I'll get done before the end of the summer but I hope to have a complete draft of something at least!

I hope you are all doing well!

Reflection

A lot has changed during this academic year. I'm not really sure how to describe all that happened or how I would begin to write about it. But, one thing is certain at the end of my sophomore year, I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm learning that it's okay not to know, though, it still leaves me uneasy. I'm questioning a lot of choices I've made and relationships I've let fall apart or kept for too long. For the most part, I'm taking time to evaluate what it is I really want out of my life and what it is I want to do. 

I hope everything is going well for you all!

Announcement

Hey all!

I decided to create a blog specifically for the Positivity Challenge. I figured it would make things a lot neater since I still plan on making other posts on this blog. You can follow my new blog here: https://positivelywonderfulchallengeblog.blogspot.com. Also, if you want to get more updates on my blogs, you can like my page on FB at The Magical Blue Dragon or friend me: Briana Reh Daly.

Have an awesome day/night!

Day 3: Positivity Challenge

Good Morning everyone!

Today I was able to get an 8 page paper done within a short time frame so that I can be back on track in the class. It definitely takes a load off of my shoulders knowing that I don't need to worry about it anymore.

Day 2 of Positivity Challenge

Hello!

So, for today's positive thing that happened to me is something that caused me the most pride...I had unplanned social interaction and I didn't die (a bit overdramatic but sometimes socializing really feels like a battle in a war if I am surrounded by people I don't know)! Anyway, I'm really proud of the fact that it happened. However, I believe I should try to get out of my dorm more and practice socializing because that skill could use some work.

I hope you have a good night/day!

     Hey everyone! I'm back! And, as I said in my last post, I am reinventing this blog. I have decided to use this blog for something positive (in a small way). I will be making a post everyday about something I felt was good. Some posts might be shorter due to this being a busy semester. However, I feel that this will still effectively show my journey to being a writer while also getting me to think more on the positive side of things (I'm usually very pessimistic).

     So, for today's good event, I was able to get through a good chunk of my assignments so that tomorrow I can focus on an essay and studying for exams!

     Also, I have launched a new blog solely for poetry! It's called Poetry from a Dragon's Heart, a Fairy's Spirit, and My Restless Mind. You can also find it on Blogger or by using this link: https://dhfsmrm.blogspot.com. In addition, I have officially launched a tumblr blog for my comics! I have never considered myself a good artist but I have wanted to draw comics of some form or another for a while now. Anyway, here is the link: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/theintrovertedmagicalbluedragon. Please make sure to follow them! Not only am I doing these things, I also plan on launching another blog after the end of the semester so keep a look out for it!

     I hope that you all have a magical day/night!

Hey all!

I have decided to stop this blog. I have been working on this for a year but I never felt like I was doing what I wanted to accomplish with this blog. I wanted to chronicle my life as a writer but I'm not satisfied with my writing quality and my avoidance of talking about my life. I am also going through a lot right now and I need to fill my life with things that make me happier. And while writing this blog has given me moments of joy, it's also been the cause of major doubt of my self worth. The problem was that I had certain ideas of what would happen with this blog but none of what I imagined has happened.

However, I will be back, better and stronger than before but with a different blog. I've been thinking a lot about what I want and I've come to the conclusion that this just isn't good for me anymore.

Thank you all for going on this journey with me! I hope that you all have a wonderful year!

Reflection

It is easy
To be angry
At what you dislike.

And while anger can
Set one free-
Anger isn't helpful when the light
Struggles to shine.

Anger at my flaws
And submissive tendencies toward life,
Fueled my transformation.

But it did not hold
When my world filled
With shadows.

In the shadows
Where I lose sight
Of myself,

Is always where
I failed to see
The good in me.

Such hateful thoughts
are a nasty habit
That I must break.

I am not worthless.
I am not pathetic.
I am not a failure-

Despite what my mind
Would have me
Believe.

Before, the anger at
these thoughts pushed me
to change.

But anger cannot
Replace the love one
Needs to see themselves.

It is time that I
love myself
to make up for

All the love I should
Have known from
paternal blood,

All the hateful things
that were ever said
to hurt me,

All the pain
that did its best
to break what is in my soul,

All the dreams that
Will never come true

And for the ones I wish to
Accomplish.

I never saw my worth
And felt invisible to
the world that passed by.

But I see that I mean
something to many,
to the ones who matter.

So I need to do my best
To keep myself whole
and to strive forward-

And live each day as my true self
so that I can see the person
everyone else knew existed.

I am the product
Of the good
and the bad

I am the product
Of events and the
response my personality spawns

No matter what happened
Or what will come to pass,
I am a light in this world

I am the strongest version
of myself now
and I will be stronger tomorrow

And my light will shine brighter
until I am just as luminous
as a full moon

I am who I am.
My mind is mine.
and this heart burns
For my aspirations.

I have been lost for
a while, but now I
See where I struggle-
Leaving my life in

Someone else's hands.

Feeling hopeless, they
like to take advantage
of my downslides-
so that I only hear the negative.

I know I'm fucked up!

But now I feel a fire.
I am not as weak as I 
may have seemed
before.

And I am braver
than you could know.
I have already faced a war-
so how could life make a

Victim out of me.

I'm done with the influencers,
Of these downhill moods.
And I'm done saying that
there is nothing I can do.

Cause I am still standing here
after every time I thought that
Life would break me-
or that my body would fail me.

I am not perfect
But I am damn well near it!
Because there is no blueprint
For who I should be in comparison.

No matter what it is
that comes my way,
No matter what ailment
Fights me,

No matter how many
Fucking words I yell
at myself in hate,
I will turn it into

Something better.

For I am the fighter.
I am the warrior-
I am the goddess of
My talents!

So don't think you
can Undermine me,
Critique me,
or look at me like

I'm the plague.

Cause I sure as hell
have been through worse-
and I was born to fight
Bigger battles than

The ones questioning my worth.

I am not taking that shit anymore.

So the little girl who only
watched as her father yelled-
And the girl who cried when alone,

The little girl who couldn't
defend herself against the
Bullies' words or hits,

The one who preferred to
give up and pretend, in a fantasy,
that she was a warrior...

She is now my ward.

I am the protector of her
Dreams and her heart
Broken a thousand times over.

the Sorceress, the Queen,
the Renegade Revolutionary,
and the World Changer,
are finally on the surface...

and there is no way
I'll stop, now that I
Realize I am the one
Who can never be silent.
________________________________________

Hey all! I have been going through a lot lately, and it's been taking quite a toll on my mental health. However, today I got hit by a wave of empowerment. It will take some time, but I don't want to think ill of myself anymore. I am the way I am and anyone who has an issue with that can go fuck themselves. I may not know what makes people give me weird looks or why some people hate me on sight but I decided it really doesn't matter to me anymore. I'm tired of being sad and unmotivated to do anything. I'm tired of thinking that there is no way I can change what's happening to me. I am tired of questioning what I'm worth because, really, I'm worth a lot more with each day that I'm alive. I may not be able to completely control my health and I may not always get an A (that part was hard to type being the perfectionist i am but the fact I typed it is progress) but I can either beat myself up about it or move on. Just like I can either let my past haunt me or make my peace, recognize the mistakes, and move forward wiser than before. And I definitely have a mind of my own and a voice to go with it and they are a lot stronger than I have made them out to be for a while.

Also, I am thinking that I might start a Youtube Channel soon. I think I'll start by making videos in which I read the poems aloud and go from there. Still thinking through the pros and cons of it but I will let you know what I decide.

Anyway, I hope that you are all doing well! Have a magical week!

These are the paths
That lay in front of me-
All of them chosen
By many who came
Before me.

Which can I choose?
Which one can I live
with, even when I
face failure and
discourse?

Which can I be
happy with, and
have few regrets
that I decided to
have my life like that?

I've been walking one
path for so long.
I jumped across to another,
promising I would return when
I learned what I wanted to.

But now I find myself
Confused about where I am.
Did I make the wrong choice?
Am I not as capable as I thought-
Or is all this walking, tiring me out?

Where did my motivation go?
Where did my authority leave me?
When did I become the woman
who stopped deciding where I
want to be?

This stranger who walks on the
path so many others picked with
passions in their hearts,
but only settlement in mine,
as if I ran out of options.

When did the rain come
and douse my ambition?
Who am I anymore?
________________________________________

     Hey everyone! I know this is a bit late but this semester is already crazy.

     Often times in one's life, one questions their choices and if the direction they are heading in is really where they want to go, commonly referred to as a "midlife crisis". Last semester was tough for me and I still find myself exhausted from everything that happened. It's made getting into the swing of things for this semester especially difficult. However, it also kind of feels like I was thrown into something that everyone else got a tutorial for and I skipped through some lack of attention.

     In addition, this is the semester in which I have to pick a major. I didn't think anything would change so I decided to stop working on multiple tracks for a fall back and picked what I thought I would like the most. While I do have an interest in the subject I'm studying, something feels off about this semester and I don't know if it's the fact that this isn't the field for me or if it's just a hard point that I need to push through.

     At any rate, it feels as if I've woken up in someone else's life...and I hate it. Am I putting practicality above what I truly want? Am I focusing on something more than I should be? I have no idea.

     I hope everything is going well with all of you! Until next time!

It's bright
And colorful
In this world
That was grey.

There is a glow
On everything
I see
And I smile.

I am happy again.

The words appear
On the screen-
In a fast flurry
With a new idea,

A fresh start
For the bird
with broken
Wings.

But what is
Broken
No longer hurts
As the scene unfolds-

This fluttering in
The heart
Speeds to a run-
With each dialogue line.

I am writing again.

Looking out
The world seems
Grander than it had
In the desert,

But the mind
Had to be a desert,
For the strongest
Ideas to blossom
And allow a new life.

I am standing tall again.

I'm ready for what
Stones will be cast
Into the rivers of
The brain that reflect on
Oneself,

But none of the stones
Will be able to stay,
For they only enforce
The lies I told myself-
When alone in the grey desert

My world is now-
Coated in vibrant colors
And I am not,
Alone.

I never was.
________________________________________

Hey all! I hope you are doing well!

I decided to write another poem this week, mostly because I had a strong drive to for the first time in a while. In fact, I have even started writing a novel again! I am so happy to be writing. One of my greatest fears is that I will lose motivation to write and never get it back and it caused me to worry for weeks!

You see, I ended up in a bit of a slump this last semester due to significant health issues that would not let up (kicked off by a spider bite...they are officially my mortal enemy). However, my health was only part of it. I ended up getting bullied by someone and it really affected my mental state. It actually got so bad that I didn't want to leave my room at all and I was jumpy if I saw anyone show up near me in the hallways. On top of that, I was freaking out about my classes. I ended up behind, nearly behind, and barely on track in the three classes because of my health. I had no motivation to write anything besides dark poetry.

I was so happy to go back home when the semester ended. Unfortunately, my mood didn't improve much. I would sleep all day, stay up all night, and cry whenever I was alone. Every time my health seemed to improve, something else caused my body to malfunction and I was unwell again. I started to feel like I was alone, partly due to the fact that my lack of wanting to write also stifled my imagination (which meant I had very little access to my characters).

However, after months of this chaotic whirlwind, I was struck by lightning. An idea for my novel hit me so strongly that I had to start working on it right away. And then today, I put a blue streak in my hair (affectionately known by my family as my racing stripe) after not wearing it for a year. 

Suddenly, I feel happier and lighter. Even though I don't feel the best physically, I have energy and pep and smiles from ear to ear. I actually feel like I can handle this upcoming semester with enough energy to spare on my magical flare (a.k.a devoting myself to too many things at once but somehow managing to do it all in a fantastic way). Of course, I won't do that. Now that I am finally starting to feel better mentally, I need a break from putting insane pressure on myself!

At any rate, I am so happy that I am where I am in my life. Yeah, it isn't perfect and things will always be happening to me that will make me want to crawl under a rock. But I am a Warrior, a Wunderkind, a Dragon (because I'm fierce). I am who I am and I shouldn't feel like I am nothing because I am something to someone.

I want you to know that you are all very special to me. I may not know all of you who read my posts, but when I see the bump in page views or when I see comments and likes, it makes me happy because I know that I am supported. I'm not alone. I love you all.

Have a wonderful week!

Hey everyone!

It's time for me to post a new poem. I don't have a title for this one yet but I hope that you all enjoy it!
________________________________________
the trees
stand in majestic Beauty,
as the wind
Threatens to remove their limbs.

The trees
Hold the weight of-
Snow and ice
In a determined grace.

The trees
Stay bold even when
Their branches are cut
To spare power lines.

the trees
Carry memories in
every Ring, and in
every Name tattooed into the bark.

the trees
Clean the air-
like a Mother picking up
after an Unruly toddler.

the trees
Whisper, Scream, and Speak
for those who care to
Listen

the trees-
so Vibrant and Beautiful,
but Quiet and Lifeless
to those who only see in dollar bills.
________________________________________

I struggled to write a poem, mostly because I haven't been motivated to do much writing in general for a while now. I thought about what I like to write poems about and I realized that I haven't written one on trees for a while. As a result, I wrote about what I admire about trees. No matter what it is they have gone through or faced, they continue to stand tall for years. They always have a beautiful dignity and are able to adapt to so much. Then again, these are qualities I find I greatly admire in people (and in a lot of people I know). Sometimes, though, it feels like these people are overlooked even though they are some of the nicest, bravest, and strongest people I know.

I hope you all have a great week!

P.S. Sorry about the weird coloring. I was experimenting to find out which colors would be easier to read than the previous white I had been using. I wasn't sure about the one color I picked so I tried to edit the color. Unfortunately, it only partially changed. I tried to change it to be uniform but the colors are determined to stay as they are. If only the color scheme were pink and blue, then I could make a joke about fairies in the computer fighting over which color they think should be seen. *sigh* Anyway, I hope you have a fantastic week!

Hey all!

I have decided to drop prompt responses from my blog. I found that I don't really like writing in response to a prompt that has nothing to do with my stories. I don't know what I'm going to write instead. I've already tried a couple ideas but they didn't turn out well. Then again, I figured that this week would be tough for writing due to the fact that I turn 20 tomorrow.

I don't know why but right now, I've been having what some may call a "mid-life" crisis. I mean, it isn't entirely impossible considering I had one when I turned 16. Though, I knew what caused the crisis. You see, when I was younger and more foolish, I thought that 16 was a magical age in which I would be an adult. As a result, it seemed only logical that I would have a novel published by then and that I would be a famous and respected author. However, when I turned 16, that hadn't happened. I remember wondering what the hell I had been doing with my life. I would often cry over the fact that I didn't even have a finished novel yet (I wouldn't have the first draft done until a year later...and I am still working on that novel). Eventually, I got over it...for the most part.

However, I have no freaking clue what I thought I was going to be doing by age 20. I can only imagine what my young mind thought back then in the land of impracticality and mixed-up perceptions. All I know is that I feel like I'm supposed to be doing something that I'm not and so I feel like I failed in some way. I have never failed in anything though! So what am I not doing that is causing myself to feel so disappointed? I'm not sure. And it may not actually have anything to do with what I'm not doing at all. I know that I'm not afraid of becoming a year older. In fact, I feel like I would feel better if I were turning 21 rather than 20 which makes no freaking sense! So I must have some association attached to 20...I just wish I could remember what it was.

At any rate, I'll let you all know what I decide to do. I'm hoping I'll have something figured out by the time I post next week.

I hope you all have an awesome week!

Hey all! I hope you are all doing well!

This week I'm posting a new poem titled, "This Is the Time." It took a bit of time for me to work on it but I'm pretty happy with the result. Here it is:

this is the Time
I find Myself
outside of My Name-
outside of those around Me.

this is the Time
I recognize I deserve Better-
than the cold Words
I repeat to Myself.

this is the Time
I learn to Dance
among the Demons
trying to Take Me away.

because I have been Down
for all this Time-
Stuck in My emotions,
striking Me like a metal
stake through the head.

I'm tired of being out of Control
of My own damn Life.
I'm tired of this Cycle
of Poisonous thoughts making
Me drown farther down in the
ocean of My Mind.

this is the Time
I Stop putting Myself down-
letting all of My
Doubts consume My Drive.

this is the Time
I become Stronger-
so that I don't have to
worry about Falling.

this is the Time
I make My wings
and learn how to Soar
without the sun Melting Me away.

because I have been Down
for all this Time-
Stuck in My emotions,
striking Me like a metal
stake through the head.

I'm tired of being out of Control
of My own damn Life.
I'm tired of this Cycle
of Poisonous thoughts making
Me drown farther down in the
ocean of My Mind.

this is the Time
I recognize I have a Talent
that, while Others may have,
belongs to only Me.

this is the Time
I stop thinking of Myself
as part of the Billions
when I am not like Everyone.

this is the Time
I consider all the Good
I have Brought and will
continue to Bring into the World.

because I have been Down
for all this Time-
Stuck in My emotions,
striking Me like a metal
stake through the head.

I'm tired of being out of Control
of My own damn Life.
I'm tired of this Cycle
of Poisonous thoughts making
Me drown farther down in the
ocean of My Mind.

this is the Time
I stop thinking of Myself
as Less than what I am-
because I am something,

Great.
_________________________________________________________________________________

Let me know what you think! Next week I will be posting another prompt response.

Have a great week!

Hey everyone! Happy New Year! I hope that it's going well so far.

For my first post of the new year, I am posting a response to a prompt I picked at random. It's a little late but I really struggled with this one.

Prompt: For the past few months you've gone to bed and woken up bruised and sore with no recollection of why.

After setting up a camera in your bedroom you review the footage to find yourself climbing out the window in the dead of night, and returning a few hours later.

Here is what I wrote:

I wake up, sore and exhausted. I slowly sit up, grimacing every time I move. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Today is the day I will finally figure out why I am always in so much pain.

I open my eyes and look down at myself to find huge, purple and yellow-brown bruises all over my arms. I throw the covers off of me to find more bruises on my legs. How on earth do I manage this?

I get out of bed and I sit at my desk. Logging onto the computer, I watch the screen intently. The desktop loads and the mouse moves over to an icon for the camera in the corner of my room. A double click and a window opens up. I click on a few more items before a video begins to play.

I see myself go to bed. However, at around 1, I got out of bed and I stomped drowsily to the window. I opened the window by sliding it upward and I stepped out onto the ground. I can barely see myself walk away. I fast-forward through the footage until I finally see myself come back through the window at four. I closed the window behind me and I crawled into bed.

I stop the video and I stare at the screen for a while.

Well, now I know that I leave the house in my sleep. But what do I do when I'm out there? At any rate, I should put some locks on the window. It isn't safe for me to sleep walk around town. As I go to stand up, a knock sounds at the front door.

I run to the door and I look through the peephole to see a young man standing on the front porch. He is wearing a black suit, tie, and glasses. He looks exactly how agents look like in the movies! Of course, he probably isn't. Why would an agent come here?

I open the door but before I can say anything, he hits me in the chest and I fall backward.

"Ouch!"

"Miss Setter, you are under arrest for the murders of fifty people and for stealing money from multiple banks."

Murders? Robbery? What is he talking about?

He drags me back to me feet and puts me in handcuffs.

I can't bring myself to say anything, as if my tongue is glued to the roof of my mouth. Did I really do those things? Was that what I would leave the house for? No, it can't be! I would never kill anyone! And I'm sure I'm too clumsy to rob any banks, let alone rob them in my sleep. This has to be a mistake!

_________________________________________________________________________________

This was a difficult one for me to write. I don't know why but the prompts I keep picking at random are always ones that I think I can't write anything for. I guess it's that these ones aren't in line with what I usually write. Or maybe it's that I am not used to using prompts and writing something based off of it. Normally, I just start writing something without thinking much of what I'm writing and go from there.

Anyway, next week I will be posting a new poem! I hope that you all have a good week!